I've grown up in a world of abandoned people. If I could put a finger on one thing that we, as humans are REALLY adept at doing to eachother-- its leaving. Parents leaving children, lovers walking away from one another, children and grandchildren leaving elderly family to live out the end of their days alone in a nursing home.

Because leaving, is easy.  Even when its hard, its easy. Its in our nature. Self preservation is a powerful thing.

I grew up always wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. When some man would leave my mother, or she would leave him. When my dad would decide we were worth sacrificing a weekend for. When we'd move again, and I'd uproot and leave behind four walls I had just grown accustom to.

So, is it really surprising that I still expect most people I love and care for to leave? To become fed up with me, and decide its not worth it? Even in the face of all the evidence to the contrary-- my blood still runs cold far too often. That panic that I really will end up alone in the world. Not what my family wants me to be, not who my friends thought I should be. Not---anything worth staying for.